Let’s stop yelling into the internet
I have had an increasing number of conversations with friends and family who have expressed how hard it is to discuss differences of opinion and ideologies with strangers and friends alike. Social media platforms have become the forums most people engage with others with different ideas and worldviews. While social media has proved a useful tool in some respects, it has also fundamentally degraded civil discourse. Alarmingly, Christian discourse has not been spared from 240 character bomb-throwing.
Jesus was the master of having challenging conversations with people. He always understood precisely what every person he communicated with needed to hear, even the Pharisees. Of course, Jesus is God, so He had an unfair advantage in every conversation, but those who follow Him also have an unfair advantage. We have the wisdom of Christ at our disposal.
James, the brother of Jesus, tells his readers that they should possess wisdom imparted from the Spirit. James 3:17 says that this wisdom is “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” What if every single Christian devoted themselves to spiritual disciplines that allowed the Holy Spirit to manifest this way?
Ask better questions
Here are four conversational questions from Dr. Tim Muehlhoff that Christians can use to have conversations infused with the wisdom of God with those who don’t share our beliefs.
What does this person believe?
We live in a post-Christian, postmodern society that believes morality changes over time and is different from person to person. This means when we enter a conversation, we must orient ourselves to what our conversational partner/s believes about any given subject. Pray for discernment as you listen intently to what the person your talking to is telling you. When in doubt, ask simple questions like “what do you mean by …?
Why does this person believe what they believe?
More and more, I think people take up positions based on political affiliation without understanding what they have signed up for. Consequently, if you ask someone why they believe what they believe, they often cannot give a specific answer.
In my experience, this is the part of the conversation that requires the most discipline. Pray for the wisdom of God to flow from you. Stay calm. Be humble and reasonable.
Where do we agree?
Here is an area that everyone in our current culture of outrage and victimhood struggles with. Finding common ground does not mean affirming positions or ideas you find morally compromising. Almost all opposing positions have a common ground of some sort. Work to build agreement on what is good and right about a position.
Remember, the primary goal of the conversation up to this point is to understand the person you are conversing with.
Based on all I have learned, how should I proceed?
Assuming all previous steps have been followed with genuine curiosity and interest in the person you are speaking with, this last one should go smoothly. It is unlikely you will convert the person you are talking with to your position in one conversation, so work towards a second conversation. If a second conversation is not possible, focus on putting a stone in their shoe. Give your conversational partner something to think about.
If you want to learn more about being a better conversationalist, check out Dr. Meuhlhoff’s book I Beg to Differ: Navigating Difficult Conversations with Truth and Love
